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By By Catherine McConnell, MA, CFT, CCTP, LPC 16 Feb, 2024
Understanding Self-Abandonment as a Trauma Response:
By Catherine McConnell, MA, CFT, CCTP, LPC 25 Jan, 2024
Ah, the annual dance with the ‘New Year New Me’ mantra, where my goals are as likely to happen as my ability to keep plants alive — spoiler alert: not high chances of success. As the calendar turns to a new year, the air fills with aspirations, resolutions, and the familiar chorus of “New Year, New Me.” It’s a mantra that has become almost ingrained in our collective consciousness, suggesting that with the changing year, we have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves entirely. However, beneath this optimistic surface lies a narrative that can be damaging and misleading. The concept of a “New Year New Me” often implies a need for radical transformation or a complete overhaul of oneself. It suggests that our current selves are inadequate and that a better version can be achieved by shedding our current identity like an old skin. But what if this narrative is not only unrealistic but also detrimental to our mental health and well-being? In a society that often glorifies an idealized version of success and happiness, the pressure to conform to societal norms can be suffocating. This pressure is exacerbated for individuals dealing with conditions like ADHD or those who have experienced trauma. For them, the journey of self-acceptance and personal development can be particularly challenging. People with ADHD often face difficulties in conforming to societal standards of productivity and focus. Many of them are functioning (or trying to function) as someone else, in a world not built for them. It’s a constant uphill battle of “you’re doing it wrong.” The constant expectation to fit into a structured mold can lead to chronic self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. The “New Year New Me” paradigm may amplify these feelings by setting unrealistic goals or standards, further perpetuating a cycle of frustration and self-rejection. Moreover, individuals who have experienced trauma often grapple with the aftermath of trying to navigate a world that may have rejected, harmed, or marginalized them. The idea of reinventing oneself can sometimes stem from a desire to escape from painful memories or societal stigmatization. It may even perpetuate the idea of escape from who they are- that person who experienced the bad things and doesn’t want to remember. Who wouldn’t want to be a totally different person if that were the case? The pressure to assimilate into a mold that is more acceptable to others can lead to a loss of one’s authentic self, as they strive to avoid being a target of rejection or harm. To finish the article please visit my official blog on the link https://medium.com/@Catherinemcounseling
By Catherine McConnell, MA, CFT, CCTP, LPC 25 Jan, 2024
Holiday gift shopping just got a neuro-tastic upgrade! Say goodbye to generic presents and hello to gifts that’ll make your neurodivergent buddies high-five the reindeer! It’s time for the neurodivergents to do last minute panic shopping, and time for YOU to wonder what the heck you’re going to give us as a gift! While we are not our diagnoses there’s no denying they certainly factor into our wants and needs. Lucky for you that means that there are some common much needed and wanted gifts. This means I can help you knock it out of the park this Holiday season with your favorite Neurodivergent person. You can show you care in the attention to detail and thoughtfulness for our sensory needs in a way that will really communicate that we’re safe with you. That’s the biggest gift of all for people like us. So, to help you really get brownie points, here are some great ideas with links. With gifts like this remember you always want to include a gift receipt just in case it’s not to their liking- and if they trade it in don’t take it personally! Our sensory needs are specific. If you want to add to it for me go ahead and leave a comment!
By Catherine McConnell, MA, CFT, CCTP, LPC 25 Jan, 2024
My mother’s favorite story of me (or one of them at least) is of when I was three. First, some context. I was speaking full sentences before I could walk and reading the newspaper at three. I have never been your average anything and so at three I was already communicating well. Apparently a little neighbor friend came over very upset. Like bawling, confused, not sure what to say upset. From what she tells me my mother just watched to see what was happening. This little friend tells me her parents are doing something called a “divorce.” In my small put together family I didn’t know what this was but from context knew it was painful. So, tiny, three year old, me sits down, pats the seat next to me, and according to the lore says “I don’t know what that is but I’ll sit with you and listen if you want. Or we can play with toys.” She says she knew then what I was going to do. I was born for this. I’m a therapist of almost 20 years and I’ve worked in all kinds of spaces. I have experience with CPS, public health, the prison system, addiction, school based psychology, nonprofit healthcare, medical workers and first responders, the military, autism, ADHD, trauma, and probably more I’m forgetting. I’ve worked hard to make sure that I’m a seasoned, well rounded, and ethical clinician. I have specialize in severe trauma of all kinds but particularly in first responders and military. I’ve loved every minute of it. I still do and am so grateful that that’s where I started. BUT- about five years ago my life took a HARD right turn in the best way possible. As a therapist, I have my own therapist. I’m a really sensitive person and a verbal processor and I often just need somewhere to put it all. I went to this therapist simply as a maintenance act but she changed my life. I struggled with things I knew and thought were normal. What I didn’t know is that the level of impact this was having on me was anything but. I was often depressed and felt like an alien or an imposter despite the fact that I’d been quite successful. I was struggling socially and romantically. I couldn’t keep up with everything I had to do. I struggled to keep track of it all and no matter how much I tried to rest I was always exhausted. Time seemed to slip away from me and despite my best efforts I just really didn’t have much quality of life. I’m also one hell of a masker and one tough woman so I was masking all of this and managing it all but internally I was drowning, all while being a life preserver for others. It was too much. She listened and very astutely told me she thought something was getting in my way: maybe I was struggling with ADHD. WHAT?! I was there to do the maintenance. I wasn’t even there for ADHD! Honestly, egg on my face, I wasn’t educated in it. News for you: most therapists aren’t educated in this. Most healthcare providers aren’t! The executive functions weren’t even mentioned in graduate school that I can recall. It was all theory and general concepts of pathology. I, like so many others, thought it was for the child specialists-especially those who worked with unruly little boys. BOY will I forever be embarrassed about that one! So, she surprised me with the idea that the reason that my relationships were struggling, why I could only take on half of the caseload of my colleagues, why I couldn’t keep up with administrative tasks, why I was perpetually exhausted and why I couldn’t shut off my brain was potentially ADHD. Naturally, I hyperfocused and learned everything I could. And now, we’re here! To finish the article please visit my official blog on the link https://medium.com/@Catherinemcounseling
By Catherine McConnell, MA, CFT, CCTP, LPC 23 Jan, 2024
In society, the term “black sheep” often carries a negative connotation, referring to an individual who stands out or feels disconnected from the rest of their kin and acts out accordingly. The black sheep has been a symbol of rebelliousness and bad luck for centuries. The black sheep is thought to be an outcast, and it’s often used as a metaphor for someone who doesn’t fit in with the rest of society. When referring to the black sheep the speaker is often intending to demonstrate that this person has brought disfavor or shame upon themselves or their family. However, what most people don’t know is that there are distinctive kinds of black sheep — those who stand out in a dysfunctional or unhealthy family unit, those who don’t conform in an otherwise healthy family dynamic, and those who are just different from the family unit at large. This is an important concept, especially in trauma work, because when someone feels like the outcast and is only familiar with the classic “black sheep” they can identify as such and mistakenly believe they’re engaging in unhealthy and even shameful habits! When dysfunctional is all you know, no matter how much better healthy is, it can feel like the wrong thing to do. The unfamiliar creates anxiety. Identifying or being identified in this way can really cause problems with identity and healing.
By Admin 17 Nov, 2023
In just a week's time, I'll be attending the highly anticipated International CHADD conference, an event that holds immense significance for individuals navigating the complexities of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). For those unfamiliar, CHADD stands for Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. It's an organization dedicated to providing support, resources, and education to individuals affected by ADHD, their families, and professionals working in the field. There are local chapters all over and it’s a great way to meet like minded people, build a support system, and educate yourself and others about the challenges we face as neurodivergent people. They have stuff for individuals as well as families, adults, parents, kids- they aim to span the spectrum. You can find out more here: https://chadd.org/ So before I start talking more about the conference let me just tell you how I got involved because it’s just so ADHD and frankly hilarious. I had never heard of this organization, nor this conference, but last year it was in Dallas. I don’t remember where exactly I saw an advertisement for it but I registered immediately and ended up attending the multiple day conference. I came home with a notebook and mind full of information and ideas and drastically more educated than I would be otherwise. Bonus: I got 23 CEU’s in a weekend! I also met some amazing people who have become a big part of my personal tribe and I’m still in touch with. What I did notice last year was that the trauma piece was lacking. I linked up with a few trauma therapists who also all noticed. We were troubled because ADHD and Trauma are practically inseparable. Also, ZERO people mentioned suicidal thoughts. We were missing something BIG.  Fast forward to this year… I asked last year when call for presentations would be and was told June. I found out, ironically through my fantastic ADHD coach, that they were in February. And I found out the DAY before proposals were due! So, in true neurodivergent fashion I decided to shoot my shot, messy as the process would be. I stayed up all night writing my proposal and researching, trying to really drive home why we need to address this. Of course, I didn’t think anything would come of it. I also wasn’t thinking about the fact that it was in Maryland and I live in Texas! I didn’t consider how I’d take time off, get there, pay for it, or anything else. I just wanted to get the message out. Not planning ahead- like we do! Oops. And they said yes! Not only did they say yes, they said “Here have not one, but TWO hours to speak to everyone!” When I got that email it was a combination of “HELL YES! And Oh.. Shit. Now what?” And- here we are. I’ve been prepping for weeks, editing, prioritizing, and internally screaming. And I couldn’t be more excited! This conference isn't your typical gathering of clinicians and specialists exclusively; it's specifically designed for everyday people grappling with ADHD. It offers a unique opportunity to learn from peers and some of the most prominent minds in the field, creating a platform for sharing experiences, insights, and evidence-based knowledge. Preparations for this international event have been underway for weeks. I'll be contributing to the dialogue through a speech titled "Down the Rabbit Hole: Understanding the Intersection of Trauma and ADHD." This topic is pivotal as it addresses a crucial aspect often overlooked in the ADHD conversation: the profound impact of trauma on individuals with ADHD. The relationship between trauma and ADHD is a critical area that demands attention. Many individuals with ADHD experience trauma at higher rates than the general population and understanding how this impacts treatment is essential to provide comprehensive support and guidance. ADHD isn't just about attention issues; it encompasses a spectrum of challenges, including emotional dysregulation, executive function difficulties, and heightened sensitivity to stressors. When coupled with trauma, these challenges can make each other so much worse, leading to complex and intricate problems that require creative and educated solutions. One of the primary reasons why educating on trauma and ADHD is vital is because it's not solely confined to the realm of clinicians. It's for every individual impacted by these conditions—be it the person living with ADHD, their families, educators, or even employers. The insights gained from understanding this intersection can foster empathy, effective strategies, and a supportive environment that can significantly improve the quality of life for those affected. There isn’t a space of life that this doesn’t touch: It deeply impacts romantic relationships with things like shame, guilt, parent/child role, and resentment and misunderstandings. It impacts all relationships with conflict avoidance, masking, misunderstandings, being rejected, and creating attachment wounds. It impacts our ability to remain consistent in work, relationships, and life for ourselves overall. We are deeply misunderstood and get reputations for being lazy, uncaring or selfish, unreliable, and not worth investing in, which is incorrect and inherently damaging. We become people pleasers and class clowns in response and the world is robbed of the contributions we could be making. It must change. My hope is that this conference serves as a catalyst—a jumping-off point—for generating more substantial content, discussions, and initiatives aimed at educating and supporting individuals navigating the maze of ADHD and trauma. By sharing knowledge, experiences, and innovative approaches, we aim to stem the tide of pain and confusion that often accompanies these conditions. We are also moving to start the hard conversations that nobody knows how to have. To learn more about the International CHADD conference and its diverse array of sessions, speakers, and resources, you can visit their website here . Stay tuned for updates and insights as we delve into the heart of understanding ADHD and trauma, striving to create a more informed and compassionate community. This conference isn't just an event—it's a gathering of minds, a convergence of experiences, and a platform for learning and advocating for a better understanding of ADHD and its multifaceted connections to trauma. Together, let's embark on this journey of discovery and empowerment and make real change! Remember, the conversation doesn't end at the conference; it's a springboard for ongoing learning and collaborative efforts to make a positive difference in the lives of those impacted by ADHD and trauma. See you at CHADD! And if you can’t come to this year’s conference, I encourage you to find your local chapter and get involved. We don’t have to do this alone and we can make things so much better for eachother with just a little work, neurodivergent or not!
02 Feb, 2023
Hello everyone! Today I want to talk about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and why it isn’t “all in your head.” There is SO MUCH STIGMA when it comes to my favorite population- soldiers and first responders- regarding getting help for this issue. It’s seen as emotional weakness. Most people have no idea that it’s a PHYSICAL PROBLEM that also happens to be linked to emotions. Somehow, I think (and hope!) that spreading this information will help everyone realize that getting help for this is critical. There’s no stigma in setting a broken arm so there shouldn’t be here either. I’m going to walk you through how a memory is processed through the body and how this is involved in linking the body with the mental processes that happen in a traumatic situation and why someone can get “stuck” there. It’s not all in your head, it’s actually all in your body! This is the VERY short form of things and I’m sure I’ll write more on this later. For now, I’m wriging this out from the somatic (body) therapy perspective but it’s really abbreviated- and still complicated! I didn’t want to overload you and I’m sure I’ll expand on it in future blogs. First, let’s talk about the symptoms of PTSD. Any time someone goes through a traumatic or troublesome event, they WILL have symptoms like this. It’s important to leave the diagnosing to the professionals. Post Traumatic Symptoms at the start are NORMAL responses from your body to a dangerous situation. We have a “fight or flight” system in our body for a reason, and, generally, your body does a beautiful job of handling things. Depending on where you are in the healing process, it may not be PTSD. PTSD happens at a certain time period, when the body gets “stuck.” It’s treatable and doesn’t have to be permanent. However, the longer you wait, the harder it is to get rid of the symptoms (but not impossible!) So- your brain takes in all kinds of information on a daily basis. Think about what you did at noon last Friday. Do you remember? How much do you remember- where you were, the weather, who was wearing what, etc. Chances are you don't remember much. This is because your brain takes in billions+ pieces of information a day and it has to determine what is valuable and worth keeping, and what can be thrown out. You probably don't need five hundred memories of the process of unlocking your front door. Any time that we process information we form explicit memories and implicit memories. Explicit memories are the factual information, general knowledge, and autobiographical information. Implicit memories are the emotional responses, body sensations- this is devoid of subjective internal experience or recalling self or time. These two types of memories travel in different pathways in the brain and have to be integrated later to form one unified memory. So- when your brain takes in this information there are four key components to memory processing. (There are more, but we're gonna go with the biggies and streamline this a bit.) First, your brain goes through the Thalamus. This is initially the first "filter" of information. The Thalamus says "meh. that's probably worth keeping. This can be thrown away." That way your brain processes only what is valuable to it and doesn't waste time sending worthless information down the pipeline. After that it goes into the prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain has access to the storage area of the brain (Think of this as the secretary with the only key to the filing cabinet.) This part of the brain categorizes information and connects it to other like types of information. This is also the part of the brain that makes predictions for us ("That brown dog bit me, so I think maybe this grey dog might bite too. I better stay away.") It links our new information to stored information. Third, the information hits the Amygdala. This part of the brain processes implicit information (sensory memories), tags information for emotional significance and determines whether or not an immediate emotional response is necessary. *Deer are a good example of a highly active amygdala. They spook at everything! That's the Amygdala doing that. Finally, it hits the Hippocampus. This area processes explicit info (factual information). It's VERY involved in moving explicit information through the several phases it needs to go through to be processed. (It's our main suspect when it comes to the breakdown of memory with trauma.) Here comes the traumatic perspective: The Hippocampus is amazingly sensitive to Cortisol. Cortisol is a stress hormone. When you're really stressed out those levels rise. In a traumatic event they can rise so high that the Hippocampus goes offline and leaves the building. At this point, the implicit and explicit information don't get linked and you have all this information just floating about in bits and pieces. They aren't integrated. So, you have this implicit (very emotional) information all over the brain that doesn't know where to go (the traffic lights crashed!) and sticks around until it's processed. Often, it shows up in the form of visual, emotional, or other stimuli. Flashbacks, sometimes hallucinations (example: certain smells connected to a memory), tension in the body, etc. These are all parts of a memory that haven't been processed. Traumatized individuals can tell you all about that. Here's the good news: First, our brains are built to heal. We have natural mechanisms that help us process this stuff. Most of the time we do this without even knowing it. "Venting" to others is a form of this processing. Over time, as you vent enough, the memory gets processed and becomes neutral. Some people go to a "happy place" for emotional regulation. We have all these things that we do to regulate it. Then, here's more good news: We now have therapeutic tools to help integrate these memories. The whole reason the brain is looping is it is trying to put it away and going “I’m missing something. Where does this go?!” Sometimes, you don't even have to do the traditional talk therapy to fix it. If you’re feeling “stuck” consider consulting a mental health professional to help walk you through this. Once the memory is integrated and processed the physical symptoms will decrease and life will be so much richer!
02 Feb, 2023
Everyone knows that “drugs are bad, mmkay.” We’ve all heard it, “just say no,” “addiction is a disease,” and it has been glamourized for our entertainment in shows like “Intervention.” But what if it was more than that? What if I told you, that I can assist in treating addiction without EVER muttering a word about the drug? Before we go down the rabbit hole that is my thoughts, I want to make clear that in outpatient private practice I am no longer treating severe addictions. I worked with that when I did inpatient care but currently the levels of addiction I see are a bit different, definitely lower, and are safer to treat in an outpatient setting. I work with mandated CPS cases and I see a lot of people who are forced to come to therapy. Some of them are ready to quit and some aren’t. Do you know what they all have in common? Pain. There is no addiction without pain. They come in expecting to be judged, to be told that drugs are bad and how they affect the body. They come in angry and looking for a fight. They want to tell me all of the reasons they aren’t an awful human being (I usually agree with them there!). They’re often taken aback at my approach. I’m a little different. I listen… and then I ask “what are you running from?” After getting over the initial shock of it all, they usually have the answer. They know EXACTLY what they’re running from, what sent them to addiction, and that it’s out of control. Many of them will tell me that they don’t even like getting high anymore but it’s what they know. They don’t need me to tell them what the drug does. They’ve heard it all and often know more than I do about it. They could school me! Underneath the substance is family patterns, abuse, others taking advantage of them, - pick a version. The universal human experience means pain to them. Nobody around them knew how to deal with pain either. In fact, they were probably taught very early how to turn to other things to run from it instead of how to deal with, listen to, and manage emotions. And then, they get stuck in addiction- More pain. So then, there’s a crossroads… which pain? An addict isn’t ready until the pain and consequences of addiction are worse than facing whatever demon has driven them mad. I feel like we often treat addiction all wrong. We lecture. We intellectualize. I’m telling you: they knew drugs were bad when they picked them up. They didn’t mean to get here, but forgetting feels so good. To not be a victim for a moment, to not relive a happening, to not hear the abusive tapes of “you’re not good enough, you’ll never amount to anything, you’re nothing but a piece of trash addict” is so nice. To have peace, until the next fix. These souls are mistakenly chasing peace. So, how do we help them? By giving them their dignity back. By understanding that they are a human in pain. By not lecturing, but listening. They don’t need our lectures and judgement- they do that in spades themselves. By giving them the space to come in and saying “have a seat and stop running. Rest” we will reach them. The second part is practicing harm reduction (reducing use over time) and giving them tools to replace the addiction. I’ve said it before and ill say it again. I’ll shout it until I die. Addiction isn’t a disease, it isn’t a given fact that you’ll become, and it isn’t the problem- ADDICTION IS A SYMPTOM. I am always honest. I say “this is going to hurt.” And you know what the response usually is? “Not any more than what I’ve been through.” And they’re right. They always tell me at the end how proud they are and that it wasn’t as awful as they thought it would be. We’re doing it all wrong. There’s a place for lectures and accountability, but it needs to be balanced with humanity. If you really want to reach an addict, listen. Ask what they’re running from. They’ll tell you every time. It’s never about the drugs.
02 Feb, 2023
One of the populations that I love to work with is “first responders”- Fire, EMS, Police, Soldiers, Crisis Counselors…the people who are first on the scene when others are in trouble. It’s incredibly noble that these people seek to help others in times of crisis, but this is not without its price. First responders have high rates of anxiety and sleep disorders, divorce and relationship issues, and suicide. This is all correlated to the fact that they see the worst of the worst day in and day out. It’s difficult to keep one’s perspective when the job centers around seeking out people at their most vulneralble, and often when other people have done horrible things to them. Unfortunately, due to the stigma in mental health, they often do not seek help and suffer for a much longer period of time then they have to. How can we support them? There are several aspects and protective factors built in to the first responder subcultures. As a friend, family member, or significant other, it’s important to be aware of and encouraging of these built in protective mechanisms. First, it’s important to understand the “family” culture. These people are in the trenches together day in and day out. They have bonded through trauma. For those of us who have less traumatic jobs, it’s difficult to understand why you’d want to hang out with your coworkers when you see them all the time at work. For someone in this type of career, the only people who can truly understand are those who are there. It’s nice to not have to relive your day with a curious civilian or have to explain why today’s call was so difficult. Realize that these people love their families dearly and do want family time, but that this is also family time for them. If you can find a way to merge the two- even better. It’s also really important to understand if they don’t want to reveal “what their worst call was.” Often, civilians who are curious accidentally ask inappropriate questions. Nobody wants to relive a day like that. Not wanting to talk about their day can also cause relationship and marital problems. It isn’t that they don’t want to let you into their life. It’s that they have already lived it once, and that was hard enough. They want to protect themselves and YOU from it. The best thing you can do for a first responder is be present and a safe space for them. They’ll talk when they’re ready. Respect that. Probably the most misunderstood element of the culture is the coping mechanism of “gallows humor.” The black sense of humor that develops for those who are present when the worst of humanity happens. Surely you’ve heard a soldier, firefighter, or police officer crack a dark, inappropriate joke. It’s not uncommon for press releases to come out that some first responder was in earshot of a civilian who didn’t understand this mechanism and was suspended due to the indignation. Understand that this is a protective mechanism. These people understand better than anyone that these things aren’t funny, but if they aren’t allowed to make light and minimize the situation, then the gravity of it all will hit them and they will be no good to anyone. It’s truly not meant to make light of pain. It’s meant to keep it at bay. Interestingly, though these responders help others daily through mental illness and the most difficult times of their lives, it can be hard to accept that they too may need help. The subculture creates a “superhuman” ethos in order to keep these things at bay. It can be difficult to admit that these difficult things have gotten to you when you are known, and expected, to “handle it all.” Not to mention, there is still a fear of getting a diagnosis that may affect one’s career. There have been stories of diagnoses of PTSD, anxiety, depression pulling people off of the line and landing them on desk duty, which is the worst thing a first responder can imagine. If we, as families and friends, can allow them to break down, to have weak moments, to not have to be superhuman, it will go a long way in fending off the inevitable weight of carrying the multiple daily traumas around with them. If, for some reason, we cannot support them then assisting them in realizing that there is no shame in self care is the best thing we can do for them.  We ask these people to be present in the worst times of our lives. And they gladly are. They deserve a safe space to take off the cape and heal as well. We have to do better.
02 Feb, 2023
So, I talked to the ever amazing Sergio Berrerra (Piggy Phatness to those of you in Roller Derby Land) tonight about mental health for his blog. (That will be coming soon!) I felt inspired, so I’m writing more, because I can! We talked about why mental health has a stigma. We talked about the disconnection that some humans feel. We talked about the importance of supporting one another through difficult times… and then I had a thought: about how sacred and how powerful my job is. This is not new, but it strikes me every now and again and I’m humbled. I get to listen. I get to hear the stories. I get to bear witness to the good, bad, ugly, and indifferent. I get to see the real. I get to be present. I share this because I see so many blogs (I write them too) about “how to support a friend who is depressed,” “what it’s really like to have anxiety,” “helping a friend through a breakup,” “100 things to not say to a pregnant woman,” etc. It all boils down to this: we WANT to help one another. We want to say the right thing when a loved one is hurting. We want to fix it when our child experiences death for the first time. We want to stop the panic attack that the girl is having in class. We want the answers. I’ll sum it all up for you: there’s only ONE right answer for all of this. BE PRESENT. What does that mean? Well, it means truly connecting with the person who is hurting. Giving them permission, and space, to feel whatever it is that they feel. Be a witness without judgement or advice. When we are in our daily lives, most of us are not present. We are having half conversations, only listening really to think of the next response. We are hunting Pokemon and not noticing what’s actually in the Botanical Gardens. We are waiting for a social media notification. Being present means being fully in the moment. It means being aware of all aspects of whatever is going on. It means existing in and of itself. This all sounds very Zen, but what I’m getting at is that we just need to BE for one another. If a friend is hurting let them know that you’re waiting whenever they’re ready to reach out. And, if they can't, then you show up with Netflix and Ice Cream and you don’t talk and you fall asleep watching movies. It means being a “safe space” for another human being. Be devoid of judgement, be curious, and be a witness to their story. In the end, all anyone who is hurting wants is to be acknowledged by another human being and to know they aren’t alone. There’s a lot of value in bearing witness. Don’t underestimate it.
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