The Power of Being Present

So, I talked to the ever amazing Sergio Berrerra (Piggy Phatness to those of you in Roller Derby Land) tonight about mental health for his blog. (That will be coming soon!) I felt inspired, so I’m writing more, because I can! 

We talked about why mental health has a stigma. We talked about the disconnection that some humans feel. We talked about the importance of supporting one another through difficult times… and then I had a thought: about how sacred and how powerful my job is. This is not new, but it strikes me every now and again and I’m humbled. I get to listen. I get to hear the stories. I get to bear witness to the good, bad, ugly, and indifferent. I get to see the real. I get to be present. 

I share this because I see so many blogs (I write them too) about “how to support a friend who is depressed,” “what it’s really like to have anxiety,” “helping a friend through a breakup,” “100 things to not say to a pregnant woman,” etc. It all boils down to this: we WANT to help one another. We want to say the right thing when a loved one is hurting. We want to fix it when our child experiences death for the first time. We want to stop the panic attack that the girl is having in class. We want the answers. 

I’ll sum it all up for you: there’s only ONE right answer for all of this. BE PRESENT. 

What does that mean? Well, it means truly connecting with the person who is hurting. Giving them permission, and space, to feel whatever it is that they feel. Be a witness without judgement or advice. 

When we are in our daily lives, most of us are not present. We are having half conversations, only listening really to think of the next response. We are hunting Pokemon and not noticing what’s actually in the Botanical Gardens. We are waiting for a social media notification. Being present means being fully in the moment. It means being aware of all aspects of whatever is going on. It means existing in and of itself. 

This all sounds very Zen, but what I’m getting at is that we just need to BE for one another. If a friend is hurting let them know that you’re waiting whenever they’re ready to reach out. And, if they can't, then you show up with Netflix and Ice Cream and you don’t talk and you fall asleep watching movies. It means being a “safe space” for another human being. Be devoid of judgement, be curious, and be a witness to their story. In the end, all anyone who is hurting wants is to be acknowledged by another human being and to know they aren’t alone. There’s a lot of value in bearing witness. Don’t underestimate it.